2 During an exhibit at a museum, a modern artist was explaining his work. "This," he said, pointing to a completely black canvas, "is a cow grazing."
"Where is the grass?" asked a visitor.
"The cow has eaten it," the artist answered.
"In that case," the visitor said, "where is the cow?"
"Well, how could you expect her to stay," the artist replied, "after she'd eaten all the grass?"

3 Two aerial got married. The wedding was a disaster but the reception was fantastic.

4 An investor told a collegue that the volatile state of the stock market was making him so edgy he couldn't sleep.
"I'm sleeping like a baby," the other investor replied. "I wake up every three or four hours and cry."

5 The doctor was handling the results of a number of costly tests to his patient. "I have some bad news," he said. "I give you six months to live."
"But I don't have any insurance!" gasped the patient. "How can I afford to you in time?"
"All right," soothed the physician. "Let's say nine months then."

6 "Everyone talks about the effects of tobacco smoke," a husband remarked to his wife as they got ready for work. "Where are the studies on the effects of second-hand hair spray?"

7 A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad and the telephonist didn't hear the message.
"Would you repeat that?" she asked.
"Not if I can help it," said the mother.

8 I signed up for an exercise class, and the instructor told us to wear comfortable shoes and loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have sgned up in the first place.

9 Three IBM employess were on a long car trip when they got a flat tire. Fater they stopped and studied the situation, the sales rep said, "That does it. We need a new car!" The service rep said, "Wait! Let's switch some parts around until it works again." The software rep said, "No. Just turn the car on and off to see if that fixes the problem."

10 One cannibal to another while eating a clown: "Does this taste funny to you?"

11 Two groups of students - arts and engineer majors - boarded a train headed for a technical convention. The art majors each had a ticket, but the engineering students had only one ticket among them.
The art majors were snickering at this when an engineering student shouted, "Here comes the conductor!" With that, all the engineering majors squeezed into a bathroom. The puzzled art students watched as the conductor knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Ticket please." The conductor took the single ticket that was passed under the door and left.
Not to outdone, the art students boarded the returning train with only one ticket, and again they laughed because this time their rivals had no ticket at all.
When the engineering lookout yelled, "Conductor coming!" all the engineers hid in one bathroom, while the art majors piled into another, Then, before the conductor entered the car, one of the engineers came out of his bathroom and knocked on the art majors' door.
"Ticket please," he said.

12 Doctor: "How's the boy who swallowed a 50-cent coin?"
Nurse: "No change yet."

13 Did you hear about the terrorists who took a courthouse full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one lawyer every hour unless their demands were met.

14 A customer at the bird shop:
Why have you crossed a carrier pigeon with a parrot?
So that the pigeon can ask for directions if it get lost.

15 "If you had two dollars in one pocket and three dollars in the other pocket," the teacher asked a little boy in her class, "what would you have?"
"Someone else's pants," said the boy.

16 Returning home after robbing a bank, a thief sawed the legs off of his bed. "What are you doing?" asked the wife. "I have to lie low for a while," he explained.

17 Question: What did the number zero say to the number eight?
Answer: That's a nice belt you're wearing.